My Life Has Changed - For The Better?

I made the decision in early July to compete again. After my first show, I made the rookie mistake of binge eating.  I ended up worse off than I was before I had started my first prep back in January.  I got fat very quickly and was faced with what I'm sure a lot of fitness competitors deal with.  I went from being in the best shape of my life, to no shape at all.  As my Dad says, "I'm not in shape, I AM a shape; I'm round. Round is a shape right?"  I found myself not happy, looking back at pictures only a few weeks prior, wondering what the hell happened.  This picture was taken less than a week after my show.  It only got worse from there.

 I was looking at my bodybuilding.com feature, reading the comments, and thinking, "I don't deserve this."  People had told me along the way that I inspired and motivated them to change their lives because of my dedication, drive, and commitment to bettering my body.  Here I was, sitting on the couch only a few weeks after my show, resembling a fat, lazy, typical American idiot.

I felt that doing another competition would help me find direction again.  I'm working with Craig Capurso and Fire and Ice Fitness this time around and I'm very excited to get back on stage.

This post however isn't about competing at all.  It's about the lifestyle many of us take head on, and the heat we get from friends and family that don't always understand why we do what we do.

Looking back to almost a year from today, I had what I thought were great friends.  I was very social, drank heavily, and had no problem blowing off a workout to go out and party.  Like a typical 21 year old kid, I spent most of my money on nights out, junk food, and booze.  What I'm trying to wrap my head around, is the fact that at the most unhealthy state of my life, I had the most friends and support.

Now, almost a year later, my life has completely changed.  When I signed up for this, I knew there were going to be sacrifices, changes, and a struggle to find balance with normal life. My social life has been non-existent since January 1st when I started my first prep.  I can actually think back, and in my head, count the number of things I have done with friends since this has started.  I find myself sitting up at night questioning myself and the choices I have made.  I've turned down going on dates, because I'll feel embarrassed trying to explain to a girl why I won't eat ice cream and french fries.   Have I brought this on myself?  Do I neglect friends just to better myself? If so, is that selfish?  Would my life be better if I gave this all up and went back to who I used to be?  If so, would my friends even be there anymore?

That brought me to trying to define happiness.  The truth is, I lost the ability to find happiness outside of the weight room.  I neglected friends and family to create a business based on aesthetics and nutrition. I go to work every day, love what I do, but have nobody to share it with.  For me personally, I become obsessed and overwhelmed with my work.  When I prep to compete, I get tunnel vision and don't stop working until I reach my goals.  Some would say that passion and drive are admirable traits to carry.  Contemplating what I left behind, and the friends I left in the dust, I wouldn't consider myself admirable at all.

This brings me to my next point.  Do we, as obsessive fitness competitors, bring this on ourselves? I read an article on T-NATION about a competitor that was looked down on for eating clean and living a healthy lifestyle.  He describes a situation where he was at a steakhouse and asked the waiter how the chicken was prepared.  Immediately his friends started giving him crap and telling him not to be 'That Guy'.  What I learned from that article is that Americans are obese, and always will be.  We are under the assumption that alcohol, fast food, processed food, sugar, and unhealthy fats are what a normal person eats.  If you want to eat healthy, live a healthy life, and avoid foods that lead to obesity, are you a weird outcast who doesn't know how to have fun?

If you were doing something that put you in harms way, could hurt you, or maybe even kill you, would you want your friends to step in and say something?  The truth is, the majority of Americans will support you making unhealthy choices every day.  Your friends find it normal to grab some McDonalds after a night of binge drinking.  When you want to make healthy choices, better your body, and get in shape, you are an outcast to normal life.

Look at your before and after pictures.  You changed your life, you overcame doubt, you transformed your body, you inspired, motivated, and helped countless others get off the couch.  You did it! You changed your life.  What did you leave behind?  Was it worth it? Is that a real smile?

Balance. Find it. Now. I've heard too many horror stories of fitness enthusiasts living alone, depressed, and obsessed with their physique.  The argument can be made that if somebody doesn't support you, that they aren't your true friend.  It's a give and take relationship.  There are things you can do to better relationships, have friends, and live a normal life.  You sacrificed so much to better yourself, so you already have the ability.  Now do it.

I find myself doing more things now that involve friends, family, AND fitness.  Bettering yourself requires selfishness, dedication, and commitment.  It however doesn't require neglecting friends and family who have helped shape who you are today.  In my bodybuilding.com article I said, "Find other things that you enjoy, and do them too."  There is more to life than a six pack.  The sooner you find it, the happier you will be.