Tilted Target.

As most of you know, I just wrapped up my second competition of the year.  I wanted to give the WBFF a try because of the opportunities that stem from competing within the organization.  My goal with fitness isn't to beat the guy next to me in an attempt to prove that I'm in some way better than him.  What would I be better at?  Considering the NPC / IFBB physique category still has no criteria for judging, what does better even mean?  It certainly doesn't mean my legs are even visible!  My goal is to build a platform for motivation, create an image, and share knowledge of proper nutrition, supplementation, and training to people in need.  The WBFF seems like the best fit for my goals.

I've been getting A LOT of questions about nutrition going into a show like this.  To the general public, we eat a lot of food and we have these magical metabolisms that never stop! We pound protein shakes, beef, and eggs all day long while working out three times per day.  I'm going to do my best to explain my pre-contest nutrition without revealing what one would pay a lot of money for, in respect to my coach, Craig Capurso.

Craig Lifts

Before you enter a contest, you will determine your basic maintenance calories.  Maintenance calories are defined as the number of total calories per day that you consume to maintain your current weight.  A timeframe for a male fitness prep is usually 14-20 weeks, depending on starting body fat.  As you progress into your prep, your calories slowly decrease.  Depending on your body type, you will adjust carbs, proteins, and fats to achieve optimal fat burning, while trying to maintain as much muscle as possible. As you close in on the final weeks of prep, it's very common to see low carb depletion followed by a day or even entire week of high-carb loading.  As you "carb up," you will generally cut back on water to achieve a full, dry appearing physique.  This is obviously a very general description of a pre-contest diet.  There are MANY ways to come in looking great.

Two Days out

14 Weeks Out - Day One

Our flight left Thursday night.  This was only the second time I've had to travel with all my meals.  I really pushed the "two bags per person" rule with my suit, cooler, suitcase, and backpack.  We made it work.  I give a lot of respect to competitors, athletes, and models that travel and maintain proper nutrition.  It's far from easy.  I pre-weighed and portioned various proteins, carbs, and fats, so I was prepared for any last minute changes.  Because everyone asks, some foods I travel with are: flank steak, white potato, sweet potato, fish, chicken, hard boiled eggs, whey, oats, peanut butter, rice cakes, etc.  Yes, I eat the food cold if necessary.  Contest prep isn't about enjoying every meal you put down.  It's about ingesting nutrients.  When you compete, you think of food as fuel.  You eat certain foods because you have to, not necessarily because you enjoy them.

Cold Fish, Dry Oats, Cinnamon

We got in to LAX around midnight, grabbed a cab and headed for what we thought was beautiful LA. We pulled up to our hotel in the middle of Koreatown and basically said YOLO lets sleep.  Our fridge was about the size of a basketball, and the only american speaking establishment within walking distance was Ralph's: The local homeless shelter / grocery store.

No Caption Necessary

Seems nice

On Friday, we took a walk to the venue to see where we would be competing.  The theater was very nice, and had an old rustic vibe.  I think they call it "character" on HGTV.  We got our tans done at 8:00PM on Friday night after registration and a competitor meeting.  It was back to the hotel then up early to start eating!

Backstage

We woke up early Saturday morning at about 3 AM to get a big meal in, then came back to the hotel to get some sleep.  We woke up, got another tan, and headed to the theater for pre-judging!

My original group (We were called out in groups of five) Trying to bring out the cinnabunz

Last shot before pre-judging

I came out of pre-judging in the first call out (top10) and knew I had to keep it tight if I wanted to do anything.  I was already holding A LOT of water and couldn't figure out why.  We think the travel may have had something to do with it.  We grabbed a burger and headed back to the hotel to rest before the night show.  For the night show, there is another round of judging in swimwear, and a fashion round.  I went with the layered wool... great choice.

Top 10

Third From the left - You can see the water retention in my stomach (Mirin Wisconsin Quads)

Sadly, I didn't make top5.  I'm certain it had plenty to do with my mid-section and the watery look.  I looked like a marshmallow! Under my personal circumstances for this prep, I have no reason to be upset.  I will leave these excuses between my coach and myself.  We battled some demons to say the least and even stepping on stage was an accomplishment in my book.  Making the top10 was icing on the cake.  Speaking of cake, look at that smile!  Back to Ralph's, no time to change out of that suit.

After being up all day, we crashed as soon as we finished our cake.  Well, I actually fell asleep before I finished mine!  Don't worry, I woke up at 3AM and ate it while I was sleeping, which freaked Tyler out.  We woke up Sunday, picked up a rental car, and headed far far away from Koreatown.  We went to Venice beach and had the opportunity to train at the Mecca of Bodybuilding: Golds Gym Venice with our boy Cyrus from Milwaukee!  He showed us a good time, and took us to the firehouse after for some good food!  Yes, I copped these amazing short shorts.

Ben, Tyler, Ryan, and Cryus in meathead heaven (Cyrus lifts)

The Mecca

Who wears mecca short shorts? Ben wears mecca short shorts! (Wisconsin squats)

Awesome menu at Firehouse!

We pulled an asian tourist move in Koreatown. Didn't even eat it.. just got a picture with it

After we showed Tyler the ocean for his first time, we went into Beverly Hills and had ourselves some eating disorder food.  SPRINKLES AND ICE CREAM.  Yes, that is a cupcake ATM on the left, and yes that is red velvet brownie ice cream chocolate chip heaven on the right.

It was my birthday Monday, so we celebrated at the airport by eating OATS! Man did I miss my oats.  After a few sketchy flights, we were home and I was ready for bed.

So you haven't cried yet, there hasn't been a deep, theatrical message secretly embedded in the text to tug on your heart, and I haven't taught you anything.  Did I even write this?  Let me start here.  My last blog post was about my lack of self confidence, friendships, support, life balance, and motivation.  How do you know if what you're doing is healthy?  Is success measured in personal gain, or is it measured in your ability to impact others.  I measure success in support.  There are times when even I find it hard to believe in myself.  When I get flooded with support, it brings out my best.  Because you believe in me, I gain confidence and start to believe in myself.  I could honestly tell you that even if I showed up to LA and took dead last, I would still be smiling. Let me show you why:

Thanks for the awesome picture of my FAVORITE little doggy, Sarah!

I want everyone to know that I read every comment, good and bad.  Every little word has a huge impact on my state of mind.  Although personal texts and emails aren't included, you know who you are, and I can't thank you enough.  This "sport" is pretty self diminishing if you ask me.  You train your heart out and diet like a crazy person for 12-20 weeks.  You travel, put on a spray tan, slap on some tight shorts, and flex on a stage while a panel of judges compares you to each-other and tells you whats wrong with you.  It takes a certain kind of person to deal with the scrutiny of competition.  Without these messages, phone calls, emails, Tweets, and Facebook posts, I would be dead in water.  There's really no other way to put it - Thank you.

Tilted Target

At the end of the day, it all comes back to Cellucor.  I don't know how else to explain that this isn't a company. Cellucor is a family that I am beyond lucky to be a part of.  From Robert, Colton, and Robert down in Bryan making sure I'm always stocked up on supplements... To Adam in NYC checking in and making sure I'm doing alright, motivating me, and showing lots of love on social... To Sabba up in Canada eh for the international support... To my Coach / Therapist Craig for making me eat fish and beans like they're going out of style, always being available to answer questions, and always telling me how it is, being an honest, good friend and role model... To Jen for her support, enthusiasm, and encouragement... To Karina for always talking me off the ledge, believing in me, and looking out for me... And then there was one.  BBD.  Big Brother Dan to this day is still the one person I can't seem to thank enough.  Dan is the glue that holds the Cellucor family together.  Since day one he's been there for me and helped me grow not only in the chest department, but as a person.  He was the first person I went to for advice when I got into working out, and he was the last person I talked to before I stepped on stage.  He's always giving me advice and pointing me in the right direction.  Not the right direction for Cellucor, the right direction for me.  He's helped me with business, he's helped my friends, and he's created the relationships I have with all of the amazing people listed above.  He's given me opportunities that most kids my age in this industry only dream of. To Dan, and everybody at Team Cellucor, thank you.

Well, thats a wrap.  Today marks two years from the first picture to the current.  I have a couple more things up my sleeve for 2013 that I can't wait to share with you.  After that, I'm going to spend a good amount of time trying to fix my poor metabolism, because eating 1,200 calories to lose weight isn't something I wish on anybody.  I want to thank Shelly for putting up with me, always lending a hand to help, and being my over the top number one fan - Love you mumma! (Although the dozens of cookies you decided to bake when I was 4, 3, 2, and one week out still blows my mind) Big thanks to my boy Tyler for making the trip out with us, Mike Short for the support that he doesn't want credit for, and HUGE shoutout to Ryan for killing it in his WBFF muscle model debut.  So proud of you for everything you accomplished man!

I've already hit the ground running and when I step on the next WBFF stage, it will be for a pro card. You can count on it.  See you in 2014.

My Life Has Changed - For The Better?

I made the decision in early July to compete again. After my first show, I made the rookie mistake of binge eating.  I ended up worse off than I was before I had started my first prep back in January.  I got fat very quickly and was faced with what I'm sure a lot of fitness competitors deal with.  I went from being in the best shape of my life, to no shape at all.  As my Dad says, "I'm not in shape, I AM a shape; I'm round. Round is a shape right?"  I found myself not happy, looking back at pictures only a few weeks prior, wondering what the hell happened.  This picture was taken less than a week after my show.  It only got worse from there.

 I was looking at my bodybuilding.com feature, reading the comments, and thinking, "I don't deserve this."  People had told me along the way that I inspired and motivated them to change their lives because of my dedication, drive, and commitment to bettering my body.  Here I was, sitting on the couch only a few weeks after my show, resembling a fat, lazy, typical American idiot.

I felt that doing another competition would help me find direction again.  I'm working with Craig Capurso and Fire and Ice Fitness this time around and I'm very excited to get back on stage.

This post however isn't about competing at all.  It's about the lifestyle many of us take head on, and the heat we get from friends and family that don't always understand why we do what we do.

Looking back to almost a year from today, I had what I thought were great friends.  I was very social, drank heavily, and had no problem blowing off a workout to go out and party.  Like a typical 21 year old kid, I spent most of my money on nights out, junk food, and booze.  What I'm trying to wrap my head around, is the fact that at the most unhealthy state of my life, I had the most friends and support.

Now, almost a year later, my life has completely changed.  When I signed up for this, I knew there were going to be sacrifices, changes, and a struggle to find balance with normal life. My social life has been non-existent since January 1st when I started my first prep.  I can actually think back, and in my head, count the number of things I have done with friends since this has started.  I find myself sitting up at night questioning myself and the choices I have made.  I've turned down going on dates, because I'll feel embarrassed trying to explain to a girl why I won't eat ice cream and french fries.   Have I brought this on myself?  Do I neglect friends just to better myself? If so, is that selfish?  Would my life be better if I gave this all up and went back to who I used to be?  If so, would my friends even be there anymore?

That brought me to trying to define happiness.  The truth is, I lost the ability to find happiness outside of the weight room.  I neglected friends and family to create a business based on aesthetics and nutrition. I go to work every day, love what I do, but have nobody to share it with.  For me personally, I become obsessed and overwhelmed with my work.  When I prep to compete, I get tunnel vision and don't stop working until I reach my goals.  Some would say that passion and drive are admirable traits to carry.  Contemplating what I left behind, and the friends I left in the dust, I wouldn't consider myself admirable at all.

This brings me to my next point.  Do we, as obsessive fitness competitors, bring this on ourselves? I read an article on T-NATION about a competitor that was looked down on for eating clean and living a healthy lifestyle.  He describes a situation where he was at a steakhouse and asked the waiter how the chicken was prepared.  Immediately his friends started giving him crap and telling him not to be 'That Guy'.  What I learned from that article is that Americans are obese, and always will be.  We are under the assumption that alcohol, fast food, processed food, sugar, and unhealthy fats are what a normal person eats.  If you want to eat healthy, live a healthy life, and avoid foods that lead to obesity, are you a weird outcast who doesn't know how to have fun?

If you were doing something that put you in harms way, could hurt you, or maybe even kill you, would you want your friends to step in and say something?  The truth is, the majority of Americans will support you making unhealthy choices every day.  Your friends find it normal to grab some McDonalds after a night of binge drinking.  When you want to make healthy choices, better your body, and get in shape, you are an outcast to normal life.

Look at your before and after pictures.  You changed your life, you overcame doubt, you transformed your body, you inspired, motivated, and helped countless others get off the couch.  You did it! You changed your life.  What did you leave behind?  Was it worth it? Is that a real smile?

Balance. Find it. Now. I've heard too many horror stories of fitness enthusiasts living alone, depressed, and obsessed with their physique.  The argument can be made that if somebody doesn't support you, that they aren't your true friend.  It's a give and take relationship.  There are things you can do to better relationships, have friends, and live a normal life.  You sacrificed so much to better yourself, so you already have the ability.  Now do it.

I find myself doing more things now that involve friends, family, AND fitness.  Bettering yourself requires selfishness, dedication, and commitment.  It however doesn't require neglecting friends and family who have helped shape who you are today.  In my bodybuilding.com article I said, "Find other things that you enjoy, and do them too."  There is more to life than a six pack.  The sooner you find it, the happier you will be.

Cellucor Man - Life From a Box

It had been almost two years since the last time I picked up a weight.  I was attending community college with no plan.  It's safe to say that I spent my first two years of college trying to please everybody but myself.  I didn't have many friends and my life defined "going through the motions" - dragging myself to accounting classes every day. At second semester, my friend Donovan from High-School ended up in one of my classes. He was in the same boat; at home trying to save money, attending one of the most depressing colleges in the universe.  Donovan and I were at Cousins Subs when he threw up the idea to start working out again.  He had this "crazy" pre-workout called C4 and told me to give it a try before we started our new lifting program. I figured why not, took a couple scoops and had a pretty killer workout. The feeling of being back in the weight room gave me some sanity and I quickly fell back in love. I took some progress pictures and figured if I stuck with this, they would be cool to go back and look at.  These were taken in December of 2011.

Around Christmas, Cellucor was running a Holiday giveaway.  I loved my C4 so I decided that I was going to win every contest Cellucor posted. For one of the contests, Cellucor wanted us to remix a Holiday jingle and post the lyrics on their page. I decided that not only would I remix Jingle Bells but I would make a music video.  If you know me, you know that I tend to go overboard with just about everything. I put a box on my head, taped some Cellucor lids on it, and made a fool of myself dancing in my bedroom.

Little did I know that putting a box on my head and dancing to Jingle Bells might have been the most important part of my transformation.  Through the dancing and dubbing of the mascot "Cellucor Man" I started talking to a guy named Dan Lourenco.  At the time, Dan ran the social media for Cellucor and was running the Christmas giveaway.  Dan and I became closer as time went on and we actually became good friends.  He helped me with supplements, nutrition, training, and even relationships. He helped me through some pretty hard times in my life. Dan quickly became my mentor.

In the summer of 2012 I started training more seriously with my friends Donovan, Tyler and Szal. In the early summer we were inevitably introduced into the world of drugs.  It seemed so easy. You take this pill and stick this needle in your butt and you lose all your fat and grow insane muscles right? Wrong.  Had it not been for Dan, I probably would have traveled down that road.  Dan gave me tough love and pushed me far away from any kind of drugs. I worked my ass off and started seeing results towards the end of 2012 summer.  Man did I think I looked GOOD.  I thought I was lean, I thought I was big, and I was on top of the world.  My lifestyle however didn't change.  I was still drinking heavily, eating terribly, and not training properly.

Summer was over and it was back to school for me.  I was done at community college so I decided to tackle commercial real estate. Again, I thought this was what I wanted to do with my life.  The money seemed great and I would have the opportunity to work with my Dad.  After a semester of that, I again found myself working to please everybody but myself. In late December of 2012, Dan hooked me up with Hank Walshak.  Hank runs the affiliate program at Cellucor. They signed me up and I was now selling and representing Cellucor.  This was surreal to me because roughly one year prior, I was dancing in my bedroom with a box on my head trying get some free stuff.  Hank was a little harder to crack.  He seemed nice but I was a little intimidated by him.  Whereas Dan was a friend, Hank was my boss. I figured if I worked hard, I would earn some respect.

In late December 2012, my friend from the gym, Ashley Hoffmann approached me with the idea to compete.  I asked her why I should compete, and she said, "Why not?" She was right. If I was training every single day, why not have a reason. I got in contact with Tim Thompson and got the ball rolling. This is where my prep started, January 1st 2013.

Eating correctly did wonders for my body and I felt great.  I was about a month into my prep and things were looking good.  I was on the way to the gym when I totaled my car and jacked up my collar bone that I had previously broken a couple years back.  This was just a minor setback.  I was frustrated because I loved my car.  I switched my focus to legs and took a week or so off all upper body exercises.

16 weeks out

Taking a step back, at the beginning of my prep some friends and myself started a private group on Facebook dubbed CutUpClub.  This group was a place for us to post progress pictures, videos, and ask questions related to nutrition and training.  The group rapidly grew and we decided to make an Instagram account to post fitness inspiration.  Our following grew to just under 2,000 very quickly. People cared about and valued what we had to say.  Our approach wasn't to intimidate people that were new to the industry.  We wanted to be the first fitness group that supported everyone.  As our following grew, I decided to turn CutUpClub into a business.  I bought some screen printing equipment  and started making shirts.  I actually ran the business out of my bedroom.

14 weeks out

12 weeks out

11 weeks out

10 weeks out

Going back to my prep, things were going well.  I was leaning out quickly and felt good about my physique.  My friend Tyler and myself decided that we were going to head to the Arnold Classic in Ohio on March 1st.  An eight hour drive on a contest prep diet probably wasn't the best of ideas but we did it anyway.  We stayed with fellow CutUpClub members Aj Smith and Dan Shaffer.  I was nervous and super excited to finally meet Dan after over a year of communicating.  We got to the expo and on the first day we got to meet Hank and Jen Jewell.  After spending some time talking with Jen and Hank, I started realizing that there was no bad blood in this company. Jen is one of the nicest, most down to earth girls I've ever met.  Hank showed my friends a good time and did an absolutely astonishing job running the Cellucor booth.  He killed it.  We trained that night at a local anytime fitness and got ready for the second day.  On day two I finally got to meet Dan.  It was such a great feeling getting to meet the person who helped me through so much in the year prior.  Catfish avoided!  Dan introduced us to Craig Capurso and again it was proven that this company does things correctly.  Craig is a humble athlete with a crazy journey himself.  We watched fellow CutUpClub member Jackie own some records at the powerlifting meet before heading home.

9 weeks out

7 weeks out

4 weeks out

Things were picking up with CutUpClub and I was busy! I made the decision to quit my job working at a local Printing Company to run CutUpClub full time. With the help from Hank and Cellucor, we were able to run promotions that helped my company grow.  I was shopping at Sports Authority for some shoes when I got a text from Dan.  He told me he wanted me to come to Vegas for a photo-shoot with Cellucor.  I checked my phone a few times before I responded.  He told me that he needed me there the next morning. Panic time! I called his assistant and member of CutUpClub, Kurtis Taylor, and told him I needed to be in Vegas by the next morning.  He laughed, told me to calm down, and got me a flight for 7 AM the next day.  It was about 3 PM and I had roughly 20 tanks to make.  I started cutting water, trained legs, and started molesting rice cakes.  I finished printing my last tank at 4:30 that morning.  I immediately threw some clothes in a bag, got in the car and headed to the airport.  I still didn't really believe what was happening so I just decided to go with it.

3 weeks out

When I got to Vegas I was greeted by Dan, Craig, and the three amigos from LHGFX, Lee, Allen, and Harry.  We gathered our things and headed to the gym to take some shots.  The amount of work that goes into a photo-shoot blew me away.  Not only from the models point of view but from all the working parts that are required to get things done.  I learned so much from Craig, Dan, and all the guys at LHGFX.  A 35lb kettle-bell doesn't seem that heavy until you've lifted it 200 times and paused in the middle of each rep.  I quickly fell in love with this type of work.  After a day of shooting we headed to the LVAC to get a quick session in before dinner.  Craig put us through a quick but intense fire and ice training session.  For being two weeks out from his show, the guy trained like a freak.

We all went back to the hotel and met up with LHGFX, Cellucor strongman Colton Leonard, Now Cellucor Athlete Karina Baymiller, and Fitness Model Charles Flanagan for some dinner.  After dinner we crashed and got ready for day two.  The second day we headed to a gym where I got to meet Rachel Murray and Ana Delia. From there, Ana, Harry, Allen, and myself took off around sunset to get some soccer shots in. Ana was such a trooper for riding along while being sick!  Between a few close calls with some pretty expensive equipment and running out of sunlight, we went back to the hotel. We grilled out as a team, shared stories, and had a great night. My flight home took off at 7 AM the next day.  I found myself sitting on my couch around 1 PM wondering what just happened.  Did I really just go to Vegas with Cellucor?  What I learned on that trip I will never forget. I learned that everybody on that team earned everything they had. I learned that they were all faced with diversity that they overcame in some way.  Most importantly I learned that no matter how good you look on the outside, you have to be a good person on the inside.  Cellucor simply does not associate themselves with bad people, no matter how good they look or how strong they are.  It made me proud to share those few days with them and it took my level of respect for this company to a whole new level.

Transitioning back into my prep, I had a different approach on things.  We had to put my dog down the day after I got home from Vegas.  I was sad, drained, and at the lowest carb state of my diet.  I'll say it, I felt sorry for myself.  It all hit me when I was on the treadmill for the second time that day doing my cardio. I was so tired and simply didn't want to do it.  I started thinking and at that moment I developed my new life motto. "Somebody has it worse"  I found it absolutely unbelievable that I actually felt bad for myself. Why? Because I was tired?  I couldn't eat carbs?  My legs hurt?  I was hungry? We just put my dog down? I no longer had the car I loved?  My brother fought leukemia and almost died when he was five years old.  My best friend Elise lost her mom a couple years ago.  A local families daughter was dealing with rare brain cancer and were traveling the unknown.  Soldiers come back from war with missing limbs and some don't come back at all.  And here I was feeling sorry for myself, dealing with something I signed up for.  I decided from then on out, I would wake up and out loud, tell myself one thing I was thankful for every single day.  I will never forget that day because it changed my life forever.  My first answer to that question was the following morning.  "I am thankful for my legs" Not because they were my strong-suit, or because they were lean and full, but simply because I had them.  Somebody has it worse. No matter how bad you have it, there is somebody, somewhere, dealing with something far worse.  What are you thankful for?  I think we need to answer that question a few more times than on Thanksgiving.

There were only a couple weeks left until show time and I was getting excited. It was time to put the finishing touches on my diet and finish strong.  With my new motivation I was feeling better than ever. With friends like Tyler, Morgan, Brittany, Jake, Kendra, Johnna, Andrea, Connor, Regi, Daniel, Dave, Tom, Weber, Griebl, Lauren, Derek, Andy, John, Berger, Bud, Amanda, Katie, all the members of CutUpClub, and countless others checking in, I was determined to look my absolute best.

2 weeks out

One Day out

Simply put, I would not have started working out again If it weren't for Donovan Dragging me to the gym.  I would not have met Dan if I didn't put a box on my head and dance around my bedroom.  I would not have turned down the drugs and taken the easy way out if it weren't for Dan.  I would never had started selling for Cellucor if it weren't for Dan and Hank.  I wouldn't have started a fitness company if it weren't for all the founding members of CutUpClub wanting a place to call home, all the help from Cellucor, and all the support from my family and friends.  I would never have decided to compete if it weren't for Ashley pushing me to push myself. I wouldn't have learned the proper side of nutrition, training, and competing if it weren't for my coach, Tim.  I wouldn't have pushed myself to be better without all the support from the members of my gym, Jen Jewell, Craig, Colton, Charles, Karina, Rachel, Ana and all the other competitors that told me I would kill it.  Without Tyler texting me and keeping me sane, I probably would have quit. It wouldn't have led to Vegas, and I wouldn't have grown up.  I wouldn't have been able to afford all the supplements if it weren't for Hank and the affiliate program at Cellucor. I wouldn't have gotten through prep if it weren't for my Mom being my number one fan.  I could be 30% body-fat and the lady would still tell me that I look ripped.  Without my teammates Alana, Dawn, and Renae to text me during the last week, we may have all went crazy!  What I'm getting at is what a friend of mine, Dan Shaffer said.  He said the only time you're alone is when you're on stage.  I agreed with him until I was on stage.  Even then I wasn't alone.  I felt as if my cheering section was posing with me. Without every single one of these working parts, I simply wouldn't have accomplished anything.

I ended up placing second in my weight class.  If you know me, you know that I hate losing.  I'm the most competitive person I know and losing didn't sit well with me.  I was initially very frustrated when they called my number for second place.  Then I heard my obnoxious friends and family cheering their hearts out.  I had friends and family travel a long way to support me.  Donovan drove from Ohio to be there. Elise, Leah, Szal, Jackie, Kyle, Max, Mom, Alex, Ashley, Suzy, Joe, Nick, Sam and Jon all drove to come support me.  Standing there on stage, my whole journey flashed quickly in my head.  Standing on stage, in a little green manthong, in front of a thousand people, I couldn't help but smile. How far I had come, all the things I had learned, all the friends I had made, and all the opportunities I was given; I may not have won, but I sure as hell didn't lose.